#hecticconstantlyandpulledinalldirections is the new tagline for my life.

#whydoesverythinghappenatonceinthesameweek would also suffice.

I returned to work last week after nearly 6 months maternity leave. There were sleepless nights prior to the first day, tears on the first day & extreme exhaustion mentally and emotionally by the last day. Coupled with supporting a friend through her search for her biological mother, the dramatic birth of my sisters baby who susbsequently became unwell, & a college friend being diagnosed with breast cancer, it is fair to say I had not one ounce of emotional energy left by Friday evening. Finding time to pump at work had added a new dimension to the challenges of my demanding day and really really it would have helped monumentally if the baby slept more at night…………

#nobodycanbeexpectedtocopewellwithlackofsleep

The weekend has been busy, the house is upside down and I have to write a blog. #Discontinuingthefortnightlycleanernowseemslikeaverybadidea.

At this point I am tempted to write a whole blog without spaces – #itwouldconservesomeenergythroughrestingmythumbsandmightevensavesomevaluabletime. #yesimaybelosingtheplotaltogether

And in the midst of all this emotional madness and physical drain I know, that God is present. He knows the inner workings of my heart. He even, get this, understands the craziness that is my current state of mind. He has walked and talked on earth as a human, albeit a perfect one. He has existed in our broken world. He has faced challenges & dealt with difficult people and circumstances. He has juggled the demands of ministry. He has been drained by others dependence on him. He has supported friends & family through difficult patches. He has been pulled in all directions and overstretched. He has endured physical and mental hardship far worse than I describe. He has been bereaved, criticised, betrayed, ridiculed, tormented, tortured and eventually killed. His suffering has been significant. His separation from his father real. And his death harrowing. The ultimate demonstration of love in order to provide salvation.

I need to hold onto the fact that Jesus knows and Jesus cares. Like really cares. For me. For you. Imagine a best friend who has gone through exactly the stuff you’re going through now… so that when you message them they get it, and when they respond it’s obvious they get it-completely. They are absolutely the best person to support you through whatever is going on, & talking to them makes you feel much better, because they have had the exact same experience you have & come out the other side of it! Jesus is that friend. He should be my first point of contact in any challenging situation!

The old hymn ‘What a friend we have in Jesus’, although cheesy in places, is a song I return to time and time again during times of stress/’suffering’.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer!
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer!

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge–
take it to the Lord in prayer!
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he’ll take and shield you;
you wilt find a solace there.

God’s word is full of promises of faithfulness in suffering, comfort in distress, strength to persevere and hope for an eternal future far outweighing anything we have experienced (Psalm 119:50)

No more needless pain, no more cumbersome care – Jesus is my refuge.

#iwillfindasolacethere