He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” 
Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” 
“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” John 13:6-8 

As we studied this passage at the Young Adults Bible Study, I found myself relating to this passage in a new way. We see Peter try to reject this act of servitude and compassion that Jesus offered to not only show his love to his disciples but to set an example as well.  

As I reflected on this story, I came to the sobering reality that I saw a lot of Peter’s attitude in myself. I have always struggled to let others, and even God bless me. I believed a lie that being a strong Christian leader meant only giving, not receiving. When I received compliments, an act of service, or anything kind from others or even God, I kept telling myself that I didn’t deserve it. That truly loving others meant only giving and serving.  

I think as Christians and particularly leaders in the Church, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of thinking a strong Christian doesn’t ask for help and only gives. Over the past year and a half, God had been teaching me and it was in late November and December when a challenging situation with housing forced me to face that lie head-on. I was burnt out, angry, depressed, and wondering why God let this happen. I had nothing left in the tank. I was in a position where I had no choice but to do the thing I did not like doing the most. I had to ask for help.  

As I sent an evening SOS text to my team leads, so many thoughts came into my head. The enemy filled my head with lies about how I was a failure as a missionary and Christian leader. I had no strength, no knowledge, no answers. The only thing I could bring to the table was a broken heart and weakness. However, as I came with tears in my eyes to church the next day, the love I felt from the community here and my team was unbelievable. I watched as people cared for me, relentlessly did what they could to encourage and provide for me and pushed me toward the compassionate arms of Jesus.  

I think as Christians, it’s so easy to think that God can only use us when we give, but I am learning there is time he calls us to receive as well. Asking for help is okay and we are not called to live life alone. I am learning there is an act of showing love in letting others serve and care for us. We don’t have to pour ourselves empty and wear our weariness as a badge of religious honour. There is true freedom in that. 

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