‘One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.’   Carl Jung

I hate chess.  

I really, really hate it. My feelings on this have strengthened in the past month, basically since I started playing it. I never used to play it and a month ago I thought ‘yeah, gonna give chess a go’. I’m still playing it, but I hate it. I just lose. Time and time again. Even when I think I’ve got it. The only thing I’ve succeed at in chess is feeling like a complete idiot…time and time again.

I love Beef.

Have you watched Beef? Not the mince. The Netflix show. I really, really love it. B and I watched it over the past month and the more we watched the more I loved it. Not just the storytelling and characters, but the values and moral thinking presented in the show were not only engaging but, in my mind, absolutely on point. Watch it. The show depicts two people who are in a nonsense battle with each other. They struggle constantly with feelings of revenge and anger, and with feelings of remorse and regret. The struggle is constant. Is there any rest to be found?

My favourite verses in the Bible this Easter has been John 20:3-4.

It never fails to raise a smile across my face. Ha, what was John thinking when he wrote this? I mean, why include these details. The most important moment of history and John has to include that he’s faster than Peter. He feels so relatable. I would probably do the same. Attempt to subtly point out my triumphs, all the while actually making myself look like a complete…[insert your own term here].

I’ve been listening to a lot of System of a Down recently.

One song in particular has grabbed my attention regularly, it features in Beef, titled ‘Lonely Day’. It’s not as loud or in your face as they normally are. The lyrics feel somewhat weak, like an English teacher, would definitely strongly critique them. The song overall is simple, direct, and yet it holds something special there.

I read this poem by Tanner Olson.

You can read it too.

‘This is not the end, you’re just learning how to begin again.
But there are some things you need to unlearn before you take another next step.
There are some cobwebs and smudges that need to be cleared.
There are lights that need to be turned on and weeds that need to be pulled and seeds that need to be planted.
There are wounds that need to be kissed and lies that need to be met with truth.
You are not the only one who feels the way you do.
You are not the only one who feels like they are behind or running out of time.
You are not the only one who feels lost or uncertain.
You are not the only one who wants time to slow down or speed up or turn back.
You are not the only one who is praying for change or who has no idea what’s going on.
You are not the only one who needs to hear that you are loved and forgiven and worthy.
You are not the only one trying to find the courage to take the next step, but you don’t have to have the answer to take the next step.
Life is not something you can win, but something you can enjoy.
You can slow down and look around and remember that all of this is a gift.
Here, you will hurt and hope.
You will lose and love.
You will start and end and get lost and try again.
And you, no matter how hard it is to believe, will be okay.
You will be okay.
So, before you move onto the next thing, pause.
Sit with what is.
Just for a moment.
Open your hands and let go of what you’re holding tight.
Breathe deep and exhale the heaviness that’s been trapped inside.
Before you move on, find yourself in these words:
Life is not a race and you are not behind.’

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