We are not hopeful.
We wait.
We wait for horizons to open, for ideas to flourish. For plans and dreams to come to fruition.
We wait, trying to console ourselves with the concrete, the graspable, the obvious.
Decorating, painting, repairing, making, sleeping, film-watching, zooming, chatting, running, cycling, 10,000-stepping, baking. Sourdough and workshops, new skills and good sleep-hygiene, satisfaction at ‘work’, relaxing at home.
We are not hopeful.
We wait, acting in faith and with love.
We keep our community alive. We look after our families. We are thankful for what we have. We read scripture. We apply it when we can. We make good new habits and throw out the bad old ones (and our old clothes too). We try not to nag, we try to get it right, we try not to be perfectionist, we try to go gently on ourselves at this difficult time, we try not try too hard, we try to eat well and have moderate treats.
We are not hopeful.
We work on the spiritual, the meaningful, the deep and important things.
Thinking, reading, creating, well-being, meditating, pondering, listening, challenging ourselves, gaining new ideas and better understanding of old ones.
We are not hopeful.
We rationalise: when we had freedom, we did much the same. We have homes and food, families and friends, and are not, ourselves, ill. We have excellent new projects and ideas and the means and abilities to carry them out.
We do what we can, trying to appreciate how it is for those who are ill and bereaved, those in war-torn, poverty-stricken countries, those in refugee camps, trying to cope, trying not to mind about the things that are going wrong, trying to believe that they may get mended in the future.
But we are not hopeful.
We may not be exactly despairing, or depressed. We are waiting, blankly, carefully, quietly, unable to imagine a life beyond. We maintain faith, we grow love, we do our best with hope.
We are not feeling hopeful, but we are acting in hope, and we will carry on.
Disclaimer: ‘we’ = ‘me’. ‘We’ just sounds less self-centred. Possibly this might be relevant to someone else. Also, I do not count my steps, and I do eat a lot of chocolate.