“From the head to the heart
You take me on a journey
Of letting go
And getting lost in you
There’s no shame
In looking like a fool
When I give you what I can’t keep
To take a hold of you”
I couldn’t decide what to write a blog on and I still kind of haven’t. However, if there’s one thought that has been floating around my head recently, it’s how much I need to rest. Particularly, rest in God. I remember Michael gave a talk on rest a while back but I won’t copy him, as I can’t remember much of it to be honest.
Recently, I’ve been trying to take time away from my phone (with debatable success). Instead I try read, or vacantly stare, or try and guess at the life story of the person sitting opposite me on the train to college. I would make something up about this opening my eyes to all that is out there, and how much I’ve learnt about myself, but most of the time I end up thinking about how deer will scream for hours just to see if they have any friends nearby, or other nuggets of info that I pick up in my highly-educational degree.
When I’m not drifting, I’ll try read some of the Bible if I can. However, this often leads to me becoming frustrated with a passage that I can’t understand, or wrestling with a hard truth. Although I have been enjoying it more and more, I still struggle with consciously putting it into practice. Why is it so hard! Why can’t it be easy!
I have found that worship can be a great way to lift the pressure off this. When the Bible is a battle, worship can be a great yell of honesty, full of emotion and connection. The lyrics at the top are from a song called Head to the Heart (no way!) and had a big bombshell of meaning to me the other day (in the shower by the way, which is a great place for revelation I have found. Just an unnecessary tip there). As it says in this song, I love the idea of getting lost in God, over-awed by the medley of things that he has done and is doing and will do for me. I also love the idea of giving everything I can’t keep to him, and instead taking a firm grip of him. I’m rubbish at letting go of things, but I’m getting better at constantly handing the things back to God that I’m trying to prise out of his big old hand. Worship has certainly let God give me a nudge that I can both get lost in all of the things, and then come back and rest in him.
Someone close to me suggested that I maybe offer up the disciplinal side of faith (wrestling with the bible, trying to have philosophical debates with myself) and simply rest in God, for now. To keep on praying like I love to do, while rejoicing “in the simple gospel”. I am aware that the bible is quite useful (sorry if that’s an understatement), but there is something so relief-inducing about taking all that pressure off. It allows me to focus on getting lost in God, to hand things over to him, and to just chill with him. I wouldn’t say that’s abandoning my faith, but rather being comfortable with how it looks for me. Also, God seems sure that this is how we’re going to communicate for now. Sure, he says in Psalm 4:8, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” (ironic that I’m using the bible to talk about how I’m not using the bible…) Such a sigh of relief!
Before I do anything on the train in the morning, I take the time between the first and second stop to simply do nothing. In a conversation the other day, someone suggested that by letting yourself be truly bored, you can allow creativity to flow. I think this can also be true with taking time to be with God. In this time, I chat to God about what I’m thankful for, what’s currently annoying me, letting it all out with no distractions, and then I allow some time to listen. And it’s the simple practice of this that has been quietly rewarding.
I don’t know if blogs are meant to have lessons, or something to teach, but if I could offer some encouragement, it would be that there is just so much joy and contentment to be had in the simplicity of a child-like faith.
The most memorable thoughts are the simplest – years of being in Ignite have taught me that. It’s been slow at times, but I can physically see the good clambering its way in. It’s not a cover-all for faith, but God uses it so well. The fact that so many of my thoughts on this have come from recent weeks suggests that God has been using different aspects of my life to bring this idea home.
In keeping with my apparent disregard for the bible’s use (I really don’t mean that), these lyrics from a song seem like a pretty apt way to finish this heap of chaos. I’m not sure how much I agree with them, but it’s encouraging to know that He’s got your back when all the fears rush their way in. Also, a great way to rest with God is to get your eight hours sleep; you know He’s all about them z’s.
“I guess if I knew tomorrow, I guess I wouldn’t need faith
I guess if I never fell, I guess I wouldn’t need grace
I guess if I knew his plans, I guess he wouldn’t be God.”