Learning to live with Jesus

Yes, Marilyn and Karl Nyquist will say (again) that they have seen me grow in my faith in leaps and bounds over the years they have known me. And yes, I have never felt so at ‘home’ and at (relative) peace. I want to be faithful and be that person that wears the armour of God (Eph 6:10), but I had not quite expected this.

I had been seeking a way to make a change to my employment. It provides all that I and my family would ever need and more. I am grateful for that, but I could no longer hack the pressure and, after about 10 years doing the same thing, I was ready for a change. So, I had been praying about it. I spoke about it with my boss, who is also a believer. I thought of starting to make enquiries about early retirement. And I was waiting to see what the Lord had in store, something good no doubt.

But Christmas was upon us and with that the end of the financial year and the work pressure it brings. So, I thought I will get to that in January, first we (my colleagues and me) need to bring this year to a good end. And we did, and I ignored the pain in my arm. I thought I recognised it. I had this before with the other arm, I could weather this.

Christmas was good. I really loved Wendy’s teaching about Mary and this year more than ever before I understood the real message of Christmas. The pain had not gone away so I did all the things that I normally do: yoga, exercise, minding myself.

And by New Year I had to admit that things were not going the right way but of course the osteopath, the person who has kept me out of trouble so far, does not start work until the 7th. Thank God I get an appointment that same evening. It gets me some of the way and by the 14th I finally see the GP (I prefer natural methods over pharmaceutical ways). I am living in hope when I come home with anti-inflammatory tablets and a sick cert. More osteopathy and a massage. That should sort me out.

You guessed it, it didn’t. Back to the GP. More meds this time. Muscle relaxant, nerve pain relief, tables to sleep and another sick cert. This should work, I still have all the strength in my right hand so that is good. I can weather the drowsiness and the unsteady fumbling for a week or so. With more osteopathy and a massage, surely, I will be good again and I can send that email to HR to enquire about early retirement.

I am praying it will be so and my husband and friends are praying it will be so.

“Your Kingdom come, your will be done”.

And His will is clearly not that because I lose some of the power and dexterity in my right hand. And I am righthanded. I speak to the GP and an MRI scan is happening later this week.

So, for those last two weeks now I have more or less been marooned at home, happily so I have to say. It’s what I wanted, no? Yes, I have to answer but not quite this way. I had worries about driving a diesel car polluting the environment. Well that is sorted, I can’t drive with those meds. There was a myriad of things at home I had wanted to do but never quite got round to. Well what is stopping me? Err the right hand isn’t working as normal.

But thank God, the first week was spent in a joyful medically induced fog of just pottering about, listening to some stuff linked to the bible and being able to see the joy in the small things in life. Learning to slow down. The second week was slightly harder because of a phone call from work saying things like ‘this must be awful for you’ and ‘how can you cope’ and making it clear that I am missed in the busy workdays of January. If I had the choice I probably would choose where I am now because I know God has a plan for me.



PS I have a lot more understanding now of the difficulties you face when you haven’t got that dexterity and steadiness of hand. Fumbling with the blister packs of your medicine. Closing the zip on your coat takes ages, if you can do it at all. Holding your toothbrush with your other hand. Try it! I cannot help but recognise my elderly mother in myself. I am only in my fifties. Scary but not without hope. If you get nothing out if this blog, remember it when you are with your elders and be grateful for the time they spent with you when you were a child 😉


Theme photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash

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